Well everyone it’s that time of month again, pay-per-view results. Last night was the most extreme night of the year for the WWE. It was the Extreme Rules pay-per-view. I always have high hopes for this night because it’s the one time of year that tables and chairs are used as freely as the finishing maneuvers we have come to know and love. Although Extreme Rules is one of the pay-per-views I look forward to the most during the year, it did not keep satisfy. Here’s the lowdown.
Neville def. Bad News Barrett (Kickoff Match)
As we all know, there was supposed to be an intercontinental championship match last night. Sadly, just about two hours before the show WWE announced on its website and social media pages that current champion (Daniel Bryan) was not medically cleared to compete. I for one was pissed. With no intercontinental championship match who was going to fill the spot? God, not another jobber match PLEASE!
Turns out WWE surprised us all by calling on one of the future’s most promising wrestlers a future WWE world heavyweight champion and the longest reigning NXT champion, Neville. Now Neville has had a great showing since coming up from the minor leagues. In his first two weeks he fought against the current WWE world heavyweight champion, Seth Rollins! That’s insane for a newbie!
Bad News Barrett came out to blab forever about the fact that Daniel Bryan couldn’t compete. Now people with this type of promo, this would have been the perfect time for a bathroom break under normal circumstances. So if you did use the bathroom at this time, I bet you are really kicking yourself considering who his new opponent was for the night.
Neville used his speed and agility to take full advantage of Barrett’s blatant lack of respect for his fellow Brit. Barrett was quick to adjust, taking control of the contest by yanking his adversary’s legs out from under him as Neville geared up for a dive from the apron. The five-time former Intercontinental Champion continued to set the pace and keep Neville grounded from there.
It all seemed over when Barrett countered Neville in two separate instances to hit Winds of Change and Wasteland. However, Neville shot his shoulder up with resilient enthusiasm at the count of two both times. Done playing around, Barrett cocked the Bad News Bull Hammer Elbow for an unloading on Neville’s temple. He then aimed, fired … and missed. Twice!
Neville ducked the blows and delivered shots of his own to Barrett’s dome. With his opponent dazed and floored, The Man That Gravity Forgot landed the Red Arrow and heard an ovation from Chicago’s sold-out Allstate Arena crowd three seconds later.
Barrett still has his Intercontinental Title rematch clause, so maybe it wasn’t all bad news for him at Extreme Rules.
Ryback decimates Bo Dallas
Looks like Ryback came to Extreme Rules hungrier than ever! As Dallas bored the crap out of the fans in Chicago’s sold-out Allstate Arena, Ryback charged to the ring to put us all out of our misery. When the two collided, Dallas got a few shots in on The Big Guy, but those shots wouldn’t had been enough to keep me down let alone The Big Guy.
First, the 290-pounder blasted Dallas with a Spinebuster. Next, as the arena erupted in chants of “Feed Me More,” Ryback leveled his foe with a Meathook Clothesline. Then, he finally laid Dallas to waste with a crushing Shell Shocked.
Dolph Ziggler def. Sheamus (Kiss Me Arse Match)
Now you all can tell me if I’m wrong, but am I the only one so disinterested in a heel Sheamus? This match was just lack luster. The match started with the vicious brawl that spilled outside the ring. While Ziggler initiated the brawl, it was Sheamus who delivered a prolonged and torturous beat down for most of the match. Then, in the final moments, a battered Ziggler shocked Sheamus and the sold-out Chicago members of the WWE Universe alike when he countered a suplex attempt by trapping The Celtic Warrior’s head and arm to score the three-count. With disbelief in his eyes, the Sheamus was faced with the startling realization that he now had to kiss his bleach-blonde’s opponents arse.
After agonizing over what he had to do along with countless whimp outs, however, Sheamus would suddenly turn the tables, first dropping Ziggler with a low blow and then blasting him with the Brogue Kick. Sheamus then robbed Ziggler of his win by lifting Dolph’s unconscious head and rubbing it all over his milky white arse!
The New Day’s Big E & Kofi Kingston def. Tyson Kidd & Cesaro to win the WWE Tag Team Championship
Now again, you can totally tell me if I’m a bit harsh but this match was pretty good up until the completely typical ending. Now we all had to know this who “New Day” gimmick was just crap from the beginning. Positivity my ass. It was just horrible marketing. Now as heels it’s even worse!
“New Day Sucks!” chants rang throughout the Allstate Arena, which I can tell you I joined in on from the comfort of my own home. The Swiss Superman showed off superhuman strength by catching the 285-pound Big E in mid-air and slamming him to the mat.
Kingston attempted to finish off the champions once and for all with a Trouble in Paradise on Tyson Kidd, only to have it reversed into The Sharpshooter. Luckily for the high-flying Superstar, Big E came in for the save, sending Kidd halfway across the ring with an explosive belly-to-belly suplex.
Just when it seemed like our champions had the match in the bag with their popular Swing-dropkick combination, a frantic Woods got up on the ring apron to grab the referee’s attention. A slap from Natalya, followed by a kick from Kidd, knocked Woods to the ground, but it was too late. A running Big E sent the Hart Dungeon graduate flying off the ring apron, before Kingston rolled up Cesaro with half of Cesaro’s tights in his hand for the victory.
Dean Ambrose def. Luke Harper (Chicago Street Fight)
Now this BY FAR was the most entertaining of all the matches last night. This started off as the opening match and ended up literally being taken to the streets of Chicago and lasting a good hour!
Now ever since Luke Harper tossed him what seemed to be headfirst through a ladder last month at WrestleMania 31, Dean Ambrose has had nothing but revenge on the mind. Well, last night The Lunatic Fringe finally achieved it in none other than a good old Chicago Street Fight. Now in good old Ambrose fashion he did not wait for the fight to come to him, he didn’t even wait for his opponent to get inside the ring.
Before the bell even rang Ambrose went after Harper. The action spilled onto the floor and Ambrose threw Harper into the steel steps! Taking advantage of the match stipulations, Ambrose went underneath the ring and started grabbing toys. He mercilessly attacked Harper with a kendo stick. Eventually when Harper awoke from the little dream he was in, he started fighting back and suplexed his opponent through a chair – literally. Harper grabbed hold of the Kendo stick himself and retaliated for the earlier assault. Ambrose eventually recovered and battled back and forth with Harper, though neither Superstar could take advantage of the contest.
Ambrose managed to find another Kendo stick – once again started attacking Harper. As The Lunatic Fringe continued to strike, the two combatants made their way backstage, throwing anything they could find at each other. Harper eventually made his way into a parked car and Ambrose followed – diving through the very passenger side window as Harper sped away into the streets of Chicago – but the match could only end in the ring.
More than 30 minutes later, the vehicle returned to the Allstate Arena while new WWE Tag Team Champions The New Day celebrated their victory over Tyson Kidd & Cesaro. Harper spilled out of the car, while Ambrose missed an attempted elbow drop off the car roof, instead landing on Kofi Kingston, Big E and Xavier Woods. The combatants battled backstage before once again making their way back to the ring.
After tossing chairs into the squared circle, the two Superstars continued to brawl, but Harper was unable to secure victory after a power bomb onto a chair. Attempting to end the match for good, Harper buried The Lunatic Fringe under a pile of chairs and made his way to the top rope. Ambrose recovered, though, and threw his opponent into the pile of chairs before executing Dirty Deeds for the victory.
United States Champion John Cena def. Rusev (Russian Chain Match)
WWE’s first televised Russian Chain Match. The rules of this unique match were simple, the rivals were tethered to one another by unbreakable Siberian steel, and the first superstar to incapacitate his opponent long enough to touch all four corners of the ring would be the winner. In the end, it was Cena who retained his title. HUGE shocker right? I know.
The Champ was met with “USA!” chants as he battled Rusev. The Super Athlete nevertheless took control early in the match, keeping the Cenation leader on the defensive with skull-rattling kicks and liberal use of the titular chain.
After countering one of Cena’s signature shoulder tackles with a well-timed fall-away slam, Rusev incapacitated The Champ with a massive kick that seemed for a moment would give him the win. However, when the WWE Universe in Chicago chanted for Lana, prompting some surprising acknowledgement from The Ravishing Russian on the apron, an enraged Rusev ordered her to the back.
Dumb move Rusev if you would have kept the hot blonde at ringside, she would have figured out a way to have you win.
Divas Champion Nikki Bella def. Naomi
So for the last couple of weeks Naomi has been showing off her new heel character. I have to say it’s annoying as hell. It’s worse than a heel Bella.
Nikki took control of the match early, but Naomi – who came to the sold-out Allstate Arena with a bold new look, complete with neon color-changing shoes – refused to back down from the challenge. While she missed the move she calls the “Rear View,” Naomi forced Nikki from the ring and followed her to the ringside, where she kicked Brie. Naomi taking her focus away from the champion gave Nikki an opportunity to gain more momentum.
After several near falls, with Naomi nailing an inverted DDT, attempting a split-legged moonsault and nearly pinning Nikki for her first Divas Championship, The Bella Twin backed Naomi onto the ropes, where Brie was waiting with payback – a kick to Naomi’s face as the referee was distracted by Nikki. This allowed the Divas Champion to hit her opponent with a Rack Attack for the win! I just have to say this was a smart way to make Nikki face again.
Roman Reigns def. Big Show (Last Man Standing Match)
Now anyone who knows me knows that I loveee me some Roman Reigns. God, what a beautiful man. (Insert heart emojis here)
Big Show asserted his size advantage from the opening bell, yelling “I’m a giant!” after repeatedly knocking Reigns over with ease. Big Show crushed Reigns’ attempts to employ tables and other toys early in the match. He literally smashed a table in two by driving his fists through it, then snapped a Kendo stick over his knee like a twig.
Yet The Big Dog wouldn’t be intimidated, and evened the odds by pounding The World’s Largest Athlete with a chair, prompting the referee’s longer counts. First, the official counted to seven before Big Show could get to his feet. Then Reigns needed an eight-count after suffering a KO Punch. Reign’s then countered with a Samoan Drop through a table that nearly knocked out both competitors.
Neither Superstar would stay down, though. Reigns endured a spear, a splash and a choke slam through two tables. The 450-pounder, meanwhile, withstood a top-rope gorilla press slam, two Superman Punches and a Spear through the ringside barricade.
When Big Show stumbled to his feet among the rubble of the barricade, Reigns realized he needed to get creative to keep his colossal opponent down. With Big Show standing on the English announce table, Reigns sprinted to Spear him through the Spanish one. Then he flipped the still-standing table on top, sandwiching Big Show for a count of 10 to become the Last Man Standing.
WWE World Heavyweight Champion Seth Rollins def. Randy Orton (Cage Match, with the RKO banned)
Now I knew from the get go, I was not going to be happy with the results of this match. What is a pay-per-view without the RKO?! That’s just madness!
Seth from the get go tried to climb out of the cage the moment the bell rang in an attempt to retain his title in the most painless way possible. It wasn’t going to be that easy, though. Orton pulled the champion back into the ring and immediately turned this bout into a fistfight. Despite the punishment he was receiving, Rollins stayed focused on escape — clearly his Plan A going into this defense — and latched onto the wall like Spiderman and climbed to the top whenever Orton attempted to launch him into the steel.
Orton was methodical, abusing Rollins at a deliberate pace. Rollins would attempt to climb out and The Viper would cut him off before brutalizing him with exacting kicks and punches. Rollins soon realized that evasion wasn’t going to work, and found himself trading kicks and punches with the challenger. As the bout progressed, so did the champion’s confidence. He even took a moment to mock The Viper, shouting, “You wanted this!” at his downed opponent.
The match shifted tempo when J&J Security finally appeared to help their champion — clearly Plan B taking effect — but Orton dashed their attempted interference. Kane made his presence felt soon after, chasing Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury away from ringside, but he never truly stopped them from getting mixed up in the bout.
Orton grabbed his first major advantage after crotching Rollins on the top rope and then planting him with a DDT. Curiously, The Viper hit the mat and seemed to call for his RKO, only to drop Rollins with Triple H’s Pedigree in a fantastic moment of mockery. The maneuver only netted Orton a two count, who then went for a punt, but missed the champion with a kick that surely would have ended the whole shebang.
Orton then shifted his approach and attempted to exit instead of pinning Rollins, but Kane closed the cage door right in his face. Any questions about The Director of Operations’ allegiance seemed to be answered there, but, a moment later, Rollins went to dropkick Orton and accidentally nailed Kane on the other side of the structure. The two opponents fell into an ugly fight for escape at that point before Kane got to his feet and slammed the cage door on both of their heads.
Now irate, Kane loosened his tie and entered the ring. The big man began to make his way toward Rollins, only to be stopped by J&J Security, who demanded he target Orton. Kane answered that request by choke slamming both of them to the canvas.
Kane he reached down and grabbed Orton by the throat, hoisting the veteran into the air and drilling him back down to the mat. With that, victory looked to be a sure thing for Rollins, who made his way to the cage door. Not so fast. With the champion a foot away from victory, Kane snatched Rollins and preceded to choke slam him, too.
The angry — and clearly conflicted — monster dragged Rollins’ prone body on top of a downed Orton, but The Viper managed to power his way out before the three-count. This fight would continue.
Kane was now focused on taking Orton out, and attempted to Tombstone him. WWE’s Apex Predator slipped out of his grasp, though, and took him out with a sudden RKO. A second later, The Viper spun around and found himself eating an RKO of his own — this one delivered by Seth Rollins. That controversial maneuver was enough to keep Orton down and allow the WWE World Heavyweight Champion to worm his way out of the cage and retain his title.
The bell rang as Rollins grasped his championship, displaying a look on his face that could only be described as an acute mixture of shock and relief. He survived, and, although he probably wouldn’t admit it, surprised even himself.
All in all the pay-per-view had its moments but wasn’t too great.