- When the hygienist tries to talk to you during a teeth cleaning
Okay, what is the deal with this? Your mouth is open, and the hygienist is scraping all that crap off your teeth, and suddenly, she wants to talk about the game last night. Um. Does she not see that you’re a little incapacitated? The only thing more annoying than her incessant stream of questions is your unintelligible answers.
- Getting out of the shower and forgetting your towel
Now, is it just me, or is this coldest you’ve ever been? The shower was all warm, and now you’re faced with two very cold realities – the air and the harsh reality that your nice, warm towel is downstairs with the rest of the laundry.
- When the waiter says, “Is Pepsi OK?”
You look him dead in the eye. He’s scared. Good. You want him to be. He deserves this. You’ve come out to a restaurant on this, the day you woke up and got dressed (probably), and you’re dying for a Coke. And then, this chain, this messenger… they ruined it for you. You don’t know what to say. This silence has been going on for much too long. The waiter is getting more nervous. You think you should end this. Finally, a low, guttural snarl comes from your mouth. “I’ll just have water.”
- Reruns of The Suite Life on Deck
What was Disney Channel hoping to accomplish with this show? Gone was the adorable, formulaic sitcom fodder from the original Suite Life of Zack and Cody. Gone was levelheaded Maddie (Ashley Tisdale), a role model for elementary school girls everywhere. Gone was any shred of respect London Tipton (Brenda Song) had for herself. But very present was the new character of Woody. Think of sores and boils, but human. Thankfully, the cast has gone on to do some cool and redeemable projects since the S.S. Tipton docked a few years back.
- Tumblr fights
Tumblr is great. It gives people a chance to get their feelings, likes, and dislikes out in the open. Plus, there are really pretty GIFs and fun fandom things to be found. But then, there are Tumblr fights. There’s this constant contradiction between opponents that can never really be settled, and yet, the users keep fighting. One thinks Joss Whedon is “too radically feminist” and one accuses him of being a blatant misogynist. Some fans think Dean Winchester from the CW’s famous series, Supernatural, is bisexual, while others are sure he’s straight. The fights never actually end and just go on for years. One thing’s guaranteed – they will grate on your nerves.
- The fact that there’s no Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) in the new pack of The Avengers: Age of Ultron dolls
But good news! You can play with the super villain, Ultron (James Spader)! Forget the hero!
- Steve Urkel’s (Jaleel White)’s pants on Family Matters
We can get past the voice. It’s endearing. But those high-waisted pants had to go.
- Handlebar mustaches
Here’s a question for anyone who has a handlebar mustache or is thinking about growing one: Does it bring you joy to resemble Captain Hook this much? Because it makes us want to set a crocodile on you, just like we did to him.
- Hearing the music from the car next to you
Look, I’m really, really happy that you love the Broadway musicals channel this much. But “Everything’s Coming up Roses” is so distracting, I think I’ll accidentally sit through two red lights just thinking about it.
- Loud chewers
This just in: The secret ingredient in their Pop Tarts is baby squirrel bones.