- Spencer the Vampire Slayer
Based on her go-getter attitude and mighty intuition, it’s pretty obvious that Spencer Hastings (Troian Bellisario) became a Slayer in 2003 when Willow Rosenberg of Buffy the Vampire Slayer made it so. She just doesn’t know it yet. But before she graduates, she finds out that Rosewood is actually infested with vampires and other demons, so she must kill them and be awesome while doing it. Bonus points if “A” is not a vampire and everyone else is on their own.
- That’s So Regina!
A folksy, half-hour sitcom revolving around Regina Marin (Betty Buckley), Hanna’s sassy grandma, is exactly what ABC Family needs. She could share her wisdom and she’s probably amazing at other things, like making food and kicking ass.
- Two Broke Dudes
Toby (Keegan Allen) and Caleb (Tyler Blackburn) finally realize that they don’t have as much money as the show makes it seem, and they have to move into Rosewood’s worst apartment together. There are many renovation scenes in which Toby always wears a do-rag.
That’s it. It’s just a show about Hanna Marin (Ashley Benson) doing things. Because she is amazing. The network’s ratings would go through the roof. Half of that would be because people would confuse it with that movie starring Saoirse Ronan. Either way.
- Maya Knew
A show dedicated to the explanation of the secret message, “Miss Aria, You’re a Killer, Not Ezra’s Wife” because apparently when PLL dropped this bomb a million and three years ago, it wasn’t important enough to elaborate upon. Would feature tons of flashbacks starring Maya herself (the apparently ageless Bianca Lawson).
- The DiLaurentis Family
A comedy-drama about Alison’s (Sasha Pieterse) family before she went missing. Finally, we’d understand why the hell this family is the way that they are instead of just making them that way. The writing would remind you of a wistful Amy Sherman-Palladino of Gilmore Girls. It would, however, be contractually obligated to rely on heavy foreshadowing in regard to Alison’s disappearance.
- Ass Hunter
Like 30 Rock’s lampoon Bitch Hunter, this show would also star Will Ferrell. Only instead of hunting down women who were probably justified, anyway, he would hunt down the male asses of Rosewood, including (but not limited to), Emily’s ex-boyfriend, Ben (Steven Krueger), Ezra Fitz (Ian Harding), and the ever-annoyingly mysterious Noel Kahn (Brant Daugherty).
- Rosewood P.D.
You’re thinking it’s a crime drama, right? PSYCH! This 30-minute mockumentary follows the style of beloved sitcoms like Parks and Recreation and The Office. Its central character is Pam Fields (Nia Peeples) in her ordinary job as she decides to enroll in the Police Academy. Sexist hijinks will be kept to a minimum until they just entirely disappear.
- The Tower
An hour-long drama dedicated to that time Emily Fields (Shay Mitchell) killed someone in a tower to protect herself and her late girlfriend’s honor, and everyone forgot that happened.
- The Montgomerys
This touching dramedy wouldn’t focus so much on kids Aria (Lucy Hale) and Mike (Cody Allen Christian), but on parents Ella (Holly Marie Combs) and Byron (Chad Lowe). There are so many things I want to know about them. When they were trying to repair their marriage, was it a lot like Lindsay and Tobias of Arrested Development? What did Ella really think of that year in Iceland? And are Byron’s parents psychic? Because I have a hard time believing they’d name their son after Lord Byron if they didn’t know he was going into English.
- These Eyes: The Jenna Marshall Chronicles
Probably a web series, this would follow Jenna’s (Tammin Sursok) journey into going blind, being insane, and then getting her sight back while still being insane. Every second of it would be terrifying. Guess what the theme song is? It’s “These Eyes” by The Guess Who.
- One Fine Day
A romantic comedy about Peter Hastings (Nolan North) and his lover, Jessica DiLaurentis (Andrea Parker), and that one fine day they conceived Jason DiLaurentis (Drew Van Acker). It seems like this would be more dramatic, except it’s not. The soundtrack will be all early 60s, bubblegum pop tunes, and Peter and Jessica might share a milkshake or two.
- Will the Real Fake Ezra Fitz’s Son Please Stand Up?
A reality competition series where that one cute kid who played Ezra’s fake son, Malcolm competes with the kid they got to replace him, hoping no one would notice. Critics say the show is, “Obscene” and “More brutal to watch than girls trying out for Annie.”
- Extreme Makeover: Aria’s Room Edition
Not like Aria’s room needs to be redone or anything. That haven is perfect. No, on this show, Lucy Hale comes into your crappy bedroom and makes it look exactly like Aria’s. She doesn’t even yell through that megaphone like Ty Pennington, so you know she’s good. The problem is the show will get canceled after one episode because literally every episode after that will be the same.
- The Real Pretty Little Liars
A documentary in which Spencer, Aria, and Hanna all admit to really, really disliking Emily. They call her a puke, throw her into A’s traps while they protect themselves, and they eat all of her food while she’s not looking. It’s really terrible, but people will still watch it.
- Pretty Little Liars Take Hawaii
This is a three-episode event that’s literally just the cast of Pretty Little Liars reciting and performing, word for word, the three-parter where The Brady Bunch went to Hawaii.
Pretty Little Liars airs on Tuesday nights on ABC Family.